Holy Presidential Beef Jerky, Batman! The Best Political Gifts of 2012… (And The Best One for Me)

2012 GOP Presidential Candidates Channel the 1966 Batman Villains — a masterpiece by artist Jon Stich (Click here to see more of Jon’s work)

This Jon Stich original painting is selling for $700 and it would be living over my mantle tomorrow if I had that kind of disposable income. Personally, I think the artwork is worth at least 10 times that.  Look at the perfect match-ups between Batman’s mortal enemies and Barack Obama’s top archnemesises (what is the plural of “archnemesis?”)

In an interview for The Hill, D.C.’s Congressional newspaper, Stich told me he assigned the 1966 Batman villains Republican alter-egos based on facial characteristics and not personalities. He said he would have given the same treatment to Democrats if this had been an election year for them.

This masterpiece is the top pick in my 2012 Political Gift Guide, which you can read below. Limited edition prints are far more affordable at $15 a pop. Check out the rest of your wondrous Christmas and Chanukah options here:

The 2012 Political Gag Gift Guide — Part One (Double click to enlarge)

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The 2012 Political Gag Gift Guide — Part Two (Double click to enlarge)

Inspired to do some shopping?  The links to buy are below. Please note that I am not affiliated with any of these companies and share their kitschiness only out of a pure love for the genre.

WHERE TO BUY (Double Click for Instant Gratification)
1. Gotham City GOP Painting
2. Republican Lady Fashion Dolls
3. Barack Obama Meathead Mosaic
4. Political Puppet Hecklers
5. Wall Street Victim Figurines
6. PEZidents – Presidential PEZ Dispensers
7. Joe Biden Laser-Etched Earrings
8. Pooping Commander-in-Chief

Photo Finish: A Salute to the Garnick Justice League

Finish Line 2012 – CHaD Superhero Race

Just a shoutout to my teammates from the Garnick Justice League, who helped Robin the Boy Wonder raise $3,473.64 for the Children’s Hospital at Dartmouth Superhero Race!  (Note the 1966-style Batman costumes. None of that gloomy Dark Knight stuff for us!)

Which costume would you rather wear with running shoes?

Costumed theme 5K races are becoming far more commonplace. Which outfit would you rather wear to a wedding?

I’ll be huffing and puffing 5 kilometers in disguise over the next month, channeling the spirit of a bridesmaid and Robin the Boy Wonder in two separate charity races.

Would be honored if you’d consider pledging a donation of any size to the Runaway Bridesmaids team (fighting human trafficking) at New York’s 5th Avenue Mile Race this weekend — or to the Garnick Justice League, which is again battling for Children’s Hospital at Dartmouth (CHaD) at their Superhero 5K.

The homemade Robin costume is as advertised.  The dresses above, however, bear no resemblance to the one which will be draped on my frame this Saturday.

That’s a fashion secret about to be revealed in a Men’s Fitness magazine exclusive.

Really.  Stay tuned….

UPDATE: Here’s the reveal.

I’m flattered, but sorry, I am NOT legendary actor Burt Ward!

Comic book writer Darren Garnick (left) chats with a young reader about the nuances of the 1966 Batman TV series during “Free Comic Book Day.”

Ever try to (deliberately) give away your creative work?

As strange as it sounds, there was still competition during “Free Comic Book Day,” the publishing industry’s savvy national promotion to get young kids to put down video games long enough to read a few cartoon panels printed on real paper.

Children of all ages recently got to pick up to 8 free sample titles, including “Yo Gabba Gabba,” “Buffy The Vampire Slayer,” “SpongeBob,” “Superman,” “Green Lantern,” “Peanuts,” “Star Wars,” and “The Simpsons.”

Double Midnight Comics in Manchester, NH

So generating interest in “Burt Ward, Boy Wonder,” my time travel adventure story about the actor who played “Robin” in the 1966 Batman TV series, required an enthusiastic sales pitch.

Luckily, I had help from some people in high places to promote the Bluewater Comics release this July:

The Dark Knight explores his sitcom past!

Oh, and there were more character endorsements from heroes who simply can’t wait to see how the Boy Wonder thwarts an evil Plutonian plot to take over the Earth — and a madcap scheme to alter the course of the Revolutionary War by supplementing British forces with robots!

As required by the Comic Book Constitution, the dialogue includes lots of exclamation points!

Republicans in Tights: The Superhero Primary

If you could be any superhero in the universe, who would you be and why?

That’s the question my nine-year-old son, Ari, just asked most of the Republican presidential candidates — in the spirit of the kind of deep pop cultural conversations that we have all the time.

Except that Ari is a much tougher interviewer with me, usually demanding to know my Five Most Favorite and Five Least Favorite characters across various movies, TV shows, comic books and literature.

Sometimes, the discussion veers off into villains, as well. For the record, no one tops any of the three Catwomen (Eartha Kitt, Julie Newmar and Lee Meriwether) from the 1966 Batman series.

This might come across as a cute kids video, but if you’re curious what it all means politically, please check out my “Republicans in Tights: Behind the Scenes of the Superhero Primary” column at The Atlantic.

Fruitman: The One Superhero I Wish They Brought Back to Life

Harvey Comics superhero "Fruitman" was a mild-mannered grocery clerk who could transform himself into any kind of produce! (Click pic for larger image)

While fully immersed in journalism research on the history of comic books — particularly the anti-Nazi attitudes of Superman, Wonder Woman and Captain America — I accidentally stumbled upon the most scrumptious premise for a superhero.

“Fruitman” is a chubby grocer (alterego: Percival Pineapple) who can transmogrify into any kind of fruit to more effectively combat crime. As a lemon, he can immobilize his enemy by squirting juice in his eye. As a watermelon, he can conk the guilty culprit on the head. And never underestimate the power of a strategically placed banana peel to make the mightiest villain slip and twist an ankle.

Even more delicious: the SuPEARhero’s insatiable appetite for goofy puns.

The character was the brainchild of Harvey Comics, the masterminds behind “Casper the Friendly Ghost,” “Richie Rich,” “Baby Huey,” and “Sad Sack.” He was usually a supporting actor in teen queen Bunny Ball‘s comic book, but did get one chance at his own issue (above), which must have gone splat.

Check out the courage of Fruitman as he thwarts a bank robbery:

Never underestimate the Power of Citrus!

And it looks like he’s also irresistible to the ladies, especially in produce form:

Saving an island princess from cannibals comes with sweet dividends.

Perhaps it is no coincidence that “Fruitman” was published in the late 1960s, the hey day of the kitschy Batman series.

You can have your gloomy, brooding Caped Crusader.  Serve us up some more Fruitman!

Support the Garnick Justice League for Children’s Hospital

Yes, comic book geeks, we do know that Marvel superheroes were not part of the Justice League!

This Saturday, if Hurricane Irene doesn’t turn New Hampshire into a pile of toothpicks, there will be a Guinness Book of World Records attempt for “Most Superheroes in One Place.”

I’m a sucker for Guinness Records, having recently been lured to participate in the World Dental Flossing Record event at the Lowell Spinners baseball game.

My son Ari (aka Golden Age Flash) and I (aka Spider-Man) will be huffing and puffing in the CHaD Hero Fun Run to benefit Children’s Hospital at Dartmouth. The Garnick Justice League team would appreciate your support.

Even if we are picking up pine tree limbs off our street this weekend instead of running around with hundreds of Batmans and Wonder Women, your donations still will make a huge difference in kids’ lives.

Thank you!

So I guess I’m not THE world’s biggest fan of the 1966 Batman…

Someone with a Sharpie has WAY too much time on his hands. And am I assuming the graffiti artist is male? Absolutely. There is NO way this was done by a woman. Not part of their DNA.

Yeah, defacing public property is wrong. And graffiti is the scourge of modern times.

Agreed.

But I can still admire the cleverness and creativity of this anonymous Picasso, whose work is being spread through those viral emails I usually delete without reading.

The population of Adam West fans is rapidly aging and I suspect that 95 percent of the people walking on this wet floor didn’t fully understand the reference.

Batman himself, who was always teaching Robin about the importance of good citizenship, would not have been flattered.

My choice to succeed doomed Egyptian ruler Hosni Mubarak

King Tut, the Yale Egyptology professor stuck in a state of amnesia/delusion after being hit on the head during student riots.