Tag Archives: Showgirls

New Hampshire Bigfoots are Smarter Than Montana Bigfoots

The Ghillie hunting suit makes you blend in with the weeds.

It’s something we all teach our kids: Don’t play in the street.

Perhaps that warning is no longer enough.  Based on what happened to 44-year-old Randy Lee Tenley, of Kalispell, Montana, earlier this week, we need to be more specific.

DO NOT PLAY ON THE HIGHWAY — ESPECIALLY WHILE PRETENDING TO BE INVISIBLE.

According to news reports, Tenley was trying to frighten a few motorists by pretending to be Bigfoot on U.S. 93.  The cars were not scared. They thought they were running over a pile of grass.

And now, this is Mr. Tenley’s legacy — an obituary waiting to be matched by the next guy who drowns in a Loch Ness Monster suit.

When I covered the Bigfoot Supreme Court case for Fast Company, I scoffed at the state of New Hampshire’s assessment that a Bigfoot impersonator might endanger others.

But I guess New Hampshire Bigfoots are much smarter than Montana Bigfoots. If you’re curious about the legal implications of channeling your inner monster, click on the Sasquatch clip below:

P.S. Should you be tempted, as I was, to invest two hours of your life in the new SyFy Bigfoot movie starring Barry Williams and Danny Bonaduce, go grab a book instead. I expected the movie to be so-bad-it’s-good in a Showgirls kind of way. But the acting is just plain pitiful.

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Zit Poppers Candy: The Most Bizarre Brand of All Time?

Not a Wacky Package satire! This was a real product sold in the real candy aisle of Target.

Every box of Zit Poppers candy contains 14 grams of protein! (Click to enlarge Nutrition Facts)

You know how “Showgirls” is allegedly a movie so bad that it’s good?*

Well, there’s no way this candy possibly can be like that.

In the age of nuclear waste candy and vomit-flavored jelly beans, Zit Poppers is just trying too hard to be offensive. This product was from a few Halloweens ago — vital pop culture research, you know — and recently resurfaced during some spring cleaning.

Luckily, the “Oozy Gushy Goo” did not leak out of the package.

No Chef Ghoulicious, you will NOT be the next Pillsbury Doughboy or Orville Redenbacher.

* As an aside, the real “bad” movie that actually is fantastic is Coyote Ugly! Trust me.

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