Drinking games have become far more sophisticated over the years, especially due to blogs and social networking. I remember the election season games at Northern Arizona University during the 1988 Mike Dukakis-George Bush debates — and the rules were rather simple:
Drink once every time Dukakis mentions “good jobs at good wages.”
Drink once every time Bush mentions furloughed murderer Willie Horton or the pollution in Boston Harbor.
Preparing for last night’s anti-climactic vice presidential debate, the Web was saturated with sophisticated political formulas to induce intoxication. The “Slander ’08” bloggers recommend this equation for when Republican VP nominee Sarah Palin mentions her kids, giving weight to her children’s birth order:
Track = 1 drink
Bristol = 2 drinks
Willow = 3 drinks
Piper = 4 drinks
Trig = 5 drinks
Mentioning children without specific names = 1 drink
“Where Voters Come to High Five” did some legwork and organized a collaborative VP drinking game rulebook that includes this complex twist:
“Place a White Russian on one side of the coffee table, and on the other, place everyone’s drinks. Place a baking pan filled with ice-water (representing the Bering Strait) between the libations. If the proximity of Alaska is mentioned by anyone, including the moderator, then stand near the end of the coffee table. The cool thing is if you stand at the end of the coffee table with all the Alaskans, you can see the White Russian.”
I’m far more likely to drink Poland Springs seltzer than beer these days, but here are two rules that should be in play whenever anyone uses the Palin-Biden debate DVD for a drinking game:
Drink once every time Sarah Palin ends a sentence with the word “also.” Or ends a sentence with a high-pitched intonation that would lead you to believe that more information is coming — but she’s run out of words.
Drink twice every time Joe Biden makes a point he thinks is brilliant, and announces that he is going to repeat the statement in case you didn’t hear it the first time. If Biden does not get to the White House, he will be invaluable in getting teenagers to clean their rooms.
In eighth grade algebra class, my friend Brian and I made charts tracking how many times our babbling teacher said the phrase “times the quantity” in a funny voice. In retrospect, to her defense, that is a standard mathematical term that has no synonyms. So she was just doing her job. But bored kids need something to do while chained to their desks for 50 minutes.