5 New Hampshire Mascots We’d Love to See!

New Hampshire Magazine illustration by Marc Sutherland (October 2017)

Isn’t an “Old Man of the Mountain” character breakfast long overdue?

In the October issue of New Hampshire Magazine, I suggest some irresistible branding opportunities for local schools, government agencies and institutions sadly lacking their own mascots.

 

My free marketing advice includes proposed costumed characters for Franconia Notch State Park, the Massachusetts College of Pharmacy (Manchester Campus), Currier Museum of Art, the Seabrook nuclear power plant and the NH Department of Transportation.

 

You can read the full article here.

Diner Replaces Plaque For Disgraced Politician John Edwards With… RuPaul

The Red Arrow Diner in Manchester, NH, is one of the most popular stops for presidential candidates during the New Hampshire Primary.

My fascination with the New Hampshire Primary began 24 years ago after chasing Vice President Dan Quayle around the Food Court at the Pheasant Lane Mall.

Six primaries later, I’ve been trailing presidential candidates around more upscale restaurants and diners (classier than the Food Court) for New Hampshire Magazine.

Here’s a fascinating tidbit that didn’t make the final edit.

The Red Arrow Diner, a popular haunt of local celebs like Adam Sandler and Sarah Silverman, honors its most famous customers with commemorative plaques screwed to the booths and countertops. You can plop your rear end on the same barstool as the Bare Naked Ladies or Rudy Giuliani!

But now, fans of former Democratic Vice Presidential nominee John Edwards no longer have a shrine to worship. When the Red Arrow ripped up its countertops during its fall 2015 renovations, the Edwards plaque mysteriously disappeared.

Might it have something to do with Edwards cheating on his wife Elizabeth while she had cancer and then illegally using political donations to pay off his mistress?

I bet all the “Bill Cosby Sat Here” plaques around the country are also disappearing.

Why Do More Kids Choose Lacrosse Over Baseball?

A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION – More Major League teams like the Pittsburgh Pirates, are taking a page out of the Minor League promotional playbook and letting kids run the bases after weekend games. (Mine got there before the stampede!)

Want insights on why more kids today prefer playing lacrosse over baseball?

That question has haunted me ever since my days as a volunteer Little League coach. And I got to ask it to Pittsburgh Pirates GM Neal Huntington during my ongoing quest to visit more “foreign” ballparks (outside of Fenway Park.)

You can read my interview with Huntington in this month’s New Hampshire Magazine. Relevance? He’s the son of NH dairy farmers!

P.S. Pittsburgh’s PNC Park is the most impressive ballpark I’ve visited to date.

 

The Ugly Truth: Why I Really Won the T-Bones Restaurant Mascot Race

Dramatic action scene of the most critical moment in the T-BONES Steak vs. Cactus Jack’s Restaurant Mascot Race. (Photo courtesy of New Hampshire Fisher Cats)

So perhaps you’ve heard of the 1919 Black Sox scandal?  Pete Rose betting on baseball? Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa using steroids?

Hold on to your seat cushion, because I am about to reveal the most outrageous sports scandal in the history of outrageous sports scandals.

But you’ll have to read all about it in New Hampshire Magazine!

My New Job: Official Mascot of the Paleo Diet?

Sprintin’ Sirloin — Making a dash for the finish line in the New Hampshire Fisher Cats T-Bones vs. Cactus Jacks Mascot Race.

Why is this steak smiling?  Proud that New Hampshire has its very own meat mascot in the tradition of the Milwaukee Brewers Famous Racing Sausages and the Pittsburgh Pirates Racing Pierogis, I recently got inside the T-Bones restaurant costume to find out.

I’m sworn to secrecy about the outcome of the race until the August issue of New Hampshire Magazine hits the newsstands later this month. But I can tell you why the steak’s (my) hand is in front of his mouth below.  It’s not because he’s bashful or because he’s burping.

It’s because that mesh screen above the steak’s eyebrows — the costume’s only ventilation and visibility window — kept bouncing up and down as I ran, leaving me blindfolded if I didn’t pull the costume taut over my face.

Rock Cats outfielder Eduardo Nunez, on a rehab assignment from the Minnesota Twins, watches his turf get invaded by a steak, a cactus and a fisher cat — all of them in running shoes.

Thanks to the New Hampshire Fisher Cats for humoring me with this athletic opportunity.  For baseball trivia buffs, that’s Minnesota Twins “Super-Utility Man” Eduardo Nunez watching the race action above as he pretends to be focused on his warmup tosses. We also ran straight past Twins outfielder Aaron Hicks, who was on rehab with the Rock Cats as well.

More to come…

Undeniable Evidence of My Undeniable Role in the 2013 Red Sox Turnaround

April’s NH Magazine explored the die-hard subculture of Red Sox fans in the Granite State — and their uncrushable faith after one of the worst seasons in Sox history. (Double click to read the story)

Why yes, I am taking credit for the success of the 2013 Red Sox. Back in April, my New Hampshire Magazine story foreshadowed the Redemption, the Faith and the Realignment of the Baseball Universe.

Be sure to read the story as part of your pre-World Series rituals!

Opening Day Meditation: How I Learned to Stop Hating the New York Yankees

New Hampshire Magazine’s Photoshop guy is phenomenal. Yes, I did go to Yankee Stadium for this story, but the yoga happened at their Manchester newsroom. That’s a Kevin Youkilis jersey in case you were curious. (Double click to read story)

It’s Opening Day: Yankees vs. Red Sox — and let the gloating begin!

Based on the injuries the Yanks are battling with A-Rod, Jeter and Texiera, there’s a fair chance that Boston and New York will be fighting each other to stay out of last place this year.

Sure, celebrating would be premature at this point, but fans in Baltimore, Toronto and Tampa Bay have to like their chances in the AL East where the Sox and Yanks used to trade off the division title and the Wild Card every season.

Before the Sox took their depressing nose dive, I surprised my son with a Yankee Stadium trip to see the home team when Sox-Yanks tickets at Fenway were simply unaffordable. To my surprise, I liked many of the people sitting around me despite my lifetime of regarding Yankees fans as arrogant, obnoxious punks. You can read my humble attempt at a Nobel Peace Price nomination in the April issue of New Hampshire Magazine, on newsstands now.

I love this cover, especially since New Hampshire was recently ranked as the Least Religious State in America by the Pew Research Center. The Red Sox is a more popular religion around here than Christianity, Judaism, Islam and Hinduism combined.

My first cover story for New Hampshire Magazine explores the die-hard subculture of NH Red Sox fans — and their fragile psychology after one of the most disappointing seasons in Sox history. (Cover design by J Porter)

We left no New Hampshire baseball angle unexplored, even tracking down Carlton Fisk’s 1963 high school yearbook. He’s the guy holding the trophy on the far right.

What if Carlton Fisk had decided to pursue pro basketball instead of pro baseball?

You can read the full story here.

Is Being a Red Sox Fan a Religious Experience?

My first cover story for New Hampshire Magazine explores the die-hard subculture of Red Sox fans in the Granite State — and their state of mind after one of the worst seasons in Sox history. (Cover design by J Porter)

I’m absolutely thrilled with how this story came out and can’t wait for it to hit the newsstands on April 1.

From the inner thoughts of former Red Sox catcher Gary Allenson, now the manager of the New Hampshire Fisher Cats, to snapshots from Carlton Fisk’s high school yearbook, you won’t want to miss this comprehensive analysis of the Granite State’s contributions to Red Sox culture.

And if you care about doctors, medicine and that kind of stuff, there’s some additional non-baseball information, too.

Props to New Hampshire Magazine‘s new art director, J Porter, for this phenomenal cover.

(The research for this story was even more fun than my research on the Red Sox – Yankees T-Shirt Wars).

Planet Fitness Will NEVER Judge Me

Deliberate Typo — Planet Fitness spells “judgment” as “JUDGEment” as a branding thing. Click on the pic to fund out why this distinction matters. (New Hampshire Magazine illustration by Brad Fitzpatrick)

So, after months of not using my Planet Fitness membership, I walked in tonight, stared the front desk guy in the eyes and asked, “Are you REALLY a No Judgment Zone?” I told him I hadn’t gone to the gym in months but needed a new membership tag.

I was not judged. Then, I used the bathroom, walked a lap around to see some of the machines I am not using and then walked out the door so I could go pick up my daughter. The guy at the desk did not give me a judgmental look at all.

During last January’s New Year’s Resolution season, I wrote about my “Weighting For Validation” for New Hampshire Magazine, exploring the popular gym chain’s ban on locker room scales to protect their customers’ body image. Really.

I wondered then as I wonder now: Would Planet Fitness judge me if I stood there and proceeded to eat purple Tootsie Roll after purple Tootsie Roll (their trademark promotional gimmick) from the reception desk candy dish — and then considered my workout complete? Still LOVE those Tootsie Rolls, though I didn’t see any when I got my new membership card. Hope they haven’t scrapped the program.

The Joy of Broken Ribs: Why I can humbly claim to be the Tom Brady, Carlton Fisk and Kerri Strug of Experiential Journalism

What do athletes Carlton Fisk, Kerri Strug, Tom Brady and Darren Garnick all have in common? -- They don't let a mere broken bone derail their destiny.

So, yeah, it might be a bit cocky to publicly declare myself to be Carlton Fisk, Tom Brady and Kerri Strug all rolled into one, but I have to get some kind of return on my $200 rib X-ray.

Weekend Warriors: Why run in the mud for free when you can pay for the privilege?

My endless fascination with Mud Races spills out on the pages of New Hampshire Magazine this month.  Find out why when I learned that I broke a rib in the Warrior Dash, I was insanely and inexplicably happy.

Click on the links below for the PDF recap (I’m still stubbornly clinging to the charms of print layout):

Joy of Broken Ribs — Part 1

Joy of Broken Ribs — Part 2

And then hop on over to New Hampshire Magazine to see how, where and when YOU can ruin your best pair of sneakers this summer!

P.S. Yes, I do know that Kerri Strug broke an ankle in the Olympics and not her ribs. Nevertheless, I am honored to be mentioned in the same sentence as her (even though I wrote that sentence).