The Ugly Truth: Why I Really Won the T-Bones Restaurant Mascot Race

Dramatic action scene of the most critical moment in the T-BONES Steak vs. Cactus Jack’s Restaurant Mascot Race. (Photo courtesy of New Hampshire Fisher Cats)

So perhaps you’ve heard of the 1919 Black Sox scandal?  Pete Rose betting on baseball? Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa using steroids?

Hold on to your seat cushion, because I am about to reveal the most outrageous sports scandal in the history of outrageous sports scandals.

But you’ll have to read all about it in New Hampshire Magazine!

World Dental Flossing Record

Documentary filmmaker Peter Koziell flosses his teeth to make history with the Lowell Spinners, the Class A minor league affiliate of the Boston Red Sox.

I missed out on the world record attempt for most people popping bubble wrap at the same time. And I also couldn’t make the Duck-Duck-Goose World Record event, so there was NO WAY I was going to miss being part of the World Dental Floss Record.

I was addicted to the Guinness Book of World Records as a kid and even if they don’t validate this magic night, it won’t be diminished one iota in my heart (or molars).  Not to mention the special bond I feel with the Lowell Spinners, having once seen the world through the big felt eyes of their Canaligator!

Action photo of Bristles the Toothbrush attempting to steal home.

A tale of two ambassadorships…

Occupational Hazard: Smartfood cheese dust never leaves the fingertips.

I was once a “brand ambassador” in my youth — but the puffy suit didn’t help me on the dating scene.

This was during the Pre-Frito-Lay Era for Smartfood, when the popcorn was all the rage on college campuses.

As a short-term gig, the job was entertaining and it paid no worse than any other minimum wage opportunity available to me at the time. I much preferred it to bagging groceries or corralling supermarket carts. Unfortunately, the assignment only lasted a few days before some other lucky hiree in another city slipped inside the foil bag.

In this week’s “Working Stiff” column, you’ll meet two 20-something guys whose personalities scored them a six-week ambassador job with Gillette. Their mission: Convince thousands of strangers to shave in public and sell them on the idea that a five-blade razor is much manlier than a four-blade one.

They got paid $25,000 each, which is the pro-rated equivalent of $217,000 a year. At that payscale, they should have been required to shave their legs, too — Gillette also dominates that stubble-free universe.

But the pay was really secondary. For six weeks, these guys were sent on a cross-country VIP vacation with special celebrity access to the Major League Baseball All-Star Game, WWE wrestling events and the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.

Am I jealous? Heck, yeah. At the end of my ambassadorship, the only fringe benefit was a complimentary snack.