The Ugly Truth: Why I Really Won the T-Bones Restaurant Mascot Race

Dramatic action scene of the most critical moment in the T-BONES Steak vs. Cactus Jack’s Restaurant Mascot Race. (Photo courtesy of New Hampshire Fisher Cats)

So perhaps you’ve heard of the 1919 Black Sox scandal?  Pete Rose betting on baseball? Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa using steroids?

Hold on to your seat cushion, because I am about to reveal the most outrageous sports scandal in the history of outrageous sports scandals.

But you’ll have to read all about it in New Hampshire Magazine!

My New Job: Official Mascot of the Paleo Diet?

Sprintin’ Sirloin — Making a dash for the finish line in the New Hampshire Fisher Cats T-Bones vs. Cactus Jacks Mascot Race.

Why is this steak smiling?  Proud that New Hampshire has its very own meat mascot in the tradition of the Milwaukee Brewers Famous Racing Sausages and the Pittsburgh Pirates Racing Pierogis, I recently got inside the T-Bones restaurant costume to find out.

I’m sworn to secrecy about the outcome of the race until the August issue of New Hampshire Magazine hits the newsstands later this month. But I can tell you why the steak’s (my) hand is in front of his mouth below.  It’s not because he’s bashful or because he’s burping.

It’s because that mesh screen above the steak’s eyebrows — the costume’s only ventilation and visibility window — kept bouncing up and down as I ran, leaving me blindfolded if I didn’t pull the costume taut over my face.

Rock Cats outfielder Eduardo Nunez, on a rehab assignment from the Minnesota Twins, watches his turf get invaded by a steak, a cactus and a fisher cat — all of them in running shoes.

Thanks to the New Hampshire Fisher Cats for humoring me with this athletic opportunity.  For baseball trivia buffs, that’s Minnesota Twins “Super-Utility Man” Eduardo Nunez watching the race action above as he pretends to be focused on his warmup tosses. We also ran straight past Twins outfielder Aaron Hicks, who was on rehab with the Rock Cats as well.

More to come…

Is Being a Red Sox Fan a Religious Experience?

My first cover story for New Hampshire Magazine explores the die-hard subculture of Red Sox fans in the Granite State — and their state of mind after one of the worst seasons in Sox history. (Cover design by J Porter)

I’m absolutely thrilled with how this story came out and can’t wait for it to hit the newsstands on April 1.

From the inner thoughts of former Red Sox catcher Gary Allenson, now the manager of the New Hampshire Fisher Cats, to snapshots from Carlton Fisk’s high school yearbook, you won’t want to miss this comprehensive analysis of the Granite State’s contributions to Red Sox culture.

And if you care about doctors, medicine and that kind of stuff, there’s some additional non-baseball information, too.

Props to New Hampshire Magazine‘s new art director, J Porter, for this phenomenal cover.

(The research for this story was even more fun than my research on the Red Sox – Yankees T-Shirt Wars).