At your Oct. 16 rally at Tyngsborough Elementary School (so close to NH, we’re claiming it as our own, like the Pheasant Lane Mall), you played “Dream On” multiple times on your mixed tape. I also heard “You’re the Best Around” from the Karate Kid soundtrack.
You know who played that before? Newt Gingrich at his 2012 fifth place New Hampshire Primary victory party. It’s bad karma.
Steven Tyler warned you. Pick another song.
Steven Tyler: Stop Dreaming On. (Courtesy of Ilya Mirman Photography)
BIPARTISAN SHOCKER: The Weekly World News Alien Endorsed Bush and Clinton
I’ve long admired the Weekly World News coverage of extraterrestrial political endorsements.
With the help of its mascot alien, the defunct supermarket tabloid accurately predicted every presidential election since 1980.
So please allow me to brag for being the first to break the news that President Obama has been endorsed by the world’s premier Lunar Real Estate Agent. That’s correct, the man who is selling acres of the moon for $19.99 plus $1.51 in “lunar tax,” doesn’t trust the Republicans this election cycle.
You can read all about this historic moment in The Hill — with a souvenir PDF print version here and here:
Post-Primary Jealousy: Click the picture to learn more about this depressing condition. (Cartoon by Brad Fitzpatrick/NH Magazine)
Truth be known, my bedroom doesn’t look ANYTHING like this. My wife Stacy keeps my political sign and bumper sticker collection confined to my office and the basement.
But there are kernels of truth embedded in “Primary Envy: Who Needs Super Tuesday?,” my latest humor column for New Hampshire Magazine. Why should the other 49 states have the right to vote? Can’t the candidates come back to Manchester, Nashua and Concord one more time for a rematch?
P.S. I know that voters are pumped in Ohio and Georgia, but does anyone care about the results of the Massachusetts Primary right now?
P.P.S. My wife and I are also the only people in our social circles who don’t have a TV in our bedroom and don’t own a flat screen TV at all. Sticking with the Cathode Ray Tube, baby!
Newt and Callista Gingrich cuddle with Dino Flintstone on the 2012 presidential campaign trail.
Now that Newt Gingrich has romped in the South Carolina Primary, I’m grateful that I hedged my bets this political season in my quest to get the 2012 Republican nominee for President to pose with Dino Flintstone.
With the international media scrum outnumbering actual voters by 6:1, I boldly cornered Newt on New Hampshire Primary Day during his visit to the polls outside a Merrimack elementary school. Here’s how the conversation went down:
Me: Mr. Gingrich, it’s a proud New Hampshire tradition that whoever poses with Dino Flintstone, wins the Primary!
Newt: (smirks and poses) You just made that tradition up, didn’t you?
Mrs. Gingrich had no comment on Dino, despite her husband’s well-known fascination with dinosaurs (he used to have a T-Rex skull in his office) and wild animals.
New Hampshire Primary third place finisher Jon Huntsman takes a moment on the most important day of his life to bond with Dino.
I gave the same pitch to Jon Huntsman as he was rushing away from a series of radio interviews late in the afternoon on Primary Day. He humored me by posing, saying “Well, then, I guess I should be part of the tradition,” but I got the sense that he thought it was quicker to pose and move past me than to just say no. He was in a huge rush.
What happens when you get on the wrong side of an obsessed (and vengeful) liberal neighbor.
Just for kicks, I recently staked Newt Gingrich for President yard signs on the lawns of two diehard Democrat friends who consider Newt to be the antiChrist.
This was a covert operation, under the cloak of darkness and with my engine shut off, and I must say there was perfect execution. No physical damage was done to either lawn (minus the two pinprick holes in the soil), but certainly emotional damage was inflicted.
Both friends instantly knew it was me. Friend A called me and exchanged a few hahas and that was that. Friend B vowed revenge.
And revenge came with a ladder, as he snuck one in my front yard in the middle of the night and wired the Newt sign tightly around a high branch of our Maple tree. I don’t put political signs of any kind in my yard, but I clearly deserved this stunt. Much to his disappointment, I was able to yank this down with a single jump.
So on the eve of a projected Newt Gingrich victory in South Carolina, how do I up the ante with my neighbor?
Newt and Callista Gingrich share this Auschwitz photo on their Gingrich Productions website.
Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich, who considers himself a historian, made a documentary film about Pope John Paul II’s return to his native Poland. This picture of him and his wife posing underneath the cruel “Work Will Make You Free” sign like they are at the Prom was taken during his 2009 production.
David Graham, of The Atlantic, writes that Gingrich is posing “jauntily” in front of Auschwitz and is “wearing his default smirk.”
“There is something distinctly off about these tourist-style shots in front of the Nazi death-camp,” he writes.
Vanity Fair pushes the critique a step further, Photoshopping the cute Gingrich couple strutting their stuff in front of other tragic historical sites such as the Chernobyl nuclear power plant and the Titanic iceberg.
Since 6th grade, when I risked daily dogbites to bring people the news, I've devoted my life to the joys of print and broadcast journalism. I'm available for freelance writing assignments, offbeat magazine stories, high-stake corporate gigs and TV field production, teaming up with the most talented HD camera crews and editors in Boston. Contact me at darrengarnick (at) gmail.com