Tag Archives: Showgirls

Flashback to My First Concert Review (The Monkees) and Why I Chose Another Career

Monkees Review

CLICK HERE to read my first concert review in the University of Massachusetts Daily Collegian. I’m speculating there were no copy editors on duty that night.

The only way to get better at writing is to keep on writing.

A fantastic reminder of that is this ancient music review I unearthed from my college newspaper archives. I was thrilled to get the opportunity to write about a Monkees concert I saw at Foxboro Stadium, although this article is now the only reminder I was there. I don’t remember even a 5-second vignette from that night.

This is a horrifically written review. It’s riddled with typos, cliches and simplistic observations – and quite frankly, it fails to capture The Monkees’ legacy.

According to the insightful 18-year-old me, all three Monkees “contributed to the success of the concert in their own way.”

Here’s how:

  • Lead singer Davy Jones was full of energy. Sometimes “skipping around like Pippi Longstocking.” And at other times, “marching around (like) Bono.”
  • Mickey Dolenz  “enthralled the crowd with his crackpot facial expressions.”
  • And Peter Tork “gave it his all” while at the microphone.

I guarantee you this was the first and last time that Davy Jones was compared to the U2 singer and the world’s strongest girl.

At the end, I slam the band’s critics for daring to suggest they should play more of their own instruments. “But most of the big time critics love to look for the worms in the apple anyway,” I counter.

This Monkees article is the “Showgirls” of movie reviews, so deliciously bad that you just can’t stop reading.

I invite you to do so HERE.

 

 

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New Hampshire Bigfoots are Smarter Than Montana Bigfoots

The Ghillie hunting suit makes you blend in with the weeds.

It’s something we all teach our kids: Don’t play in the street.

Perhaps that warning is no longer enough.  Based on what happened to 44-year-old Randy Lee Tenley, of Kalispell, Montana, earlier this week, we need to be more specific.

DO NOT PLAY ON THE HIGHWAY — ESPECIALLY WHILE PRETENDING TO BE INVISIBLE.

According to news reports, Tenley was trying to frighten a few motorists by pretending to be Bigfoot on U.S. 93.  The cars were not scared. They thought they were running over a pile of grass.

And now, this is Mr. Tenley’s legacy — an obituary waiting to be matched by the next guy who drowns in a Loch Ness Monster suit.

When I covered the Bigfoot Supreme Court case for Fast Company, I scoffed at the state of New Hampshire’s assessment that a Bigfoot impersonator might endanger others.

But I guess New Hampshire Bigfoots are much smarter than Montana Bigfoots. If you’re curious about the legal implications of channeling your inner monster, click on the Sasquatch clip below:

P.S. Should you be tempted, as I was, to invest two hours of your life in the new SyFy Bigfoot movie starring Barry Williams and Danny Bonaduce, go grab a book instead. I expected the movie to be so-bad-it’s-good in a Showgirls kind of way. But the acting is just plain pitiful.

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Zit Poppers Candy: The Most Bizarre Brand of All Time?

Not a Wacky Package satire! This was a real product sold in the real candy aisle of Target.

Every box of Zit Poppers candy contains 14 grams of protein! (Click to enlarge Nutrition Facts)

You know how “Showgirls” is allegedly a movie so bad that it’s good?*

Well, there’s no way this candy possibly can be like that.

In the age of nuclear waste candy and vomit-flavored jelly beans, Zit Poppers is just trying too hard to be offensive. This product was from a few Halloweens ago — vital pop culture research, you know — and recently resurfaced during some spring cleaning.

Luckily, the “Oozy Gushy Goo” did not leak out of the package.

No Chef Ghoulicious, you will NOT be the next Pillsbury Doughboy or Orville Redenbacher.

* As an aside, the real “bad” movie that actually is fantastic is Coyote Ugly! Trust me.

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Filed under Bizarre Brands