Middle East Surprise: “Austin Powers” Fembot Fashions Thrive in Syria

"The Secret Life of Syrian Lingerie" -- Images courtesy of Chronicle Books

What’s really underneath those burkas?

If you’re a Syrian bride on her wedding night — or even a bridesmaid at the bachelorette party — chances are there could be a Tweety Bird thong that plays the soothing tunes of Kajagoogoo. Anyone who grew up in the MTV age is intimately familiar with that British pop band for their 1983 anthem, “Too Shy.”

Or perhaps you might see this the next time you are underwear shopping in the outdoor Damascus shuk. There’s no way this is more comfortable than 100 percent organic Syrian cotton:

"The Secret Life of Syrian Lingerie" -- Image courtesy of Chronicle Books

These fashion gems were culled from a kitschy new coffee table book by Syrian lingerie experts Malu Halassa and Rana Salam. Despite the bondage theme above, most lingerie drawers north of the Golan Heights are filled with cutesy feathers, fake flowers and fur. Liberace meets the Fembots from Austin Powers. Without the nipple guns.

The authors joke that they sometimes felt trapped in a “1970s transvestite disco.”

Think a plastic cell phone would ever make it into a Victoria’s Secret thong?

Cell phone thong courtesy of Chronicle Books

“Doesn’t matter whether you wear a miniskirt or a hijab, it takes a certain amount of chutzpah to put on some of those outfits,” Halasa says. “Rana and I ended up admiring those women, and we thought some women in the developed world could use a little joy like that in their lives.”

So what does this have to do with the prospects of Middle East peace?

As U.S. Sen. John Kerry raves about the potential of an Israeli-Syrian thaw, the authors have their theories. Check out my full book review, “Damascus After Dark,” in the Israeli newspaper, Haaretz.

You’ll learn….

… Which Israeli leader the authors would like to dress up in these outfits, and it is not Bibi Netanyahu.

… The previously undiscovered link between the 1973 Yom Kippur War and meteoric rise of the Syrian bra industry; and

… Regardless of the cultural context, can Tweety Bird possibly considered a sexual turn-on?

If you prefer the old-fashioned print layout, which includes more fascinating fashion pictures, the PDF download is available here:

“DAMASCUS AFTER DARK: How the kitschy Syrian approach to underwear cuts through the image of the all-concealing burka” (Page One) (Page Two)