Savvy Writing Like This Could Save Baseball Cards From Extinction
5 New Hampshire Mascots We’d Love to See!
Wacky Presidential Candidate in a Wacky Package
Irrefutable Proof That Kids in the 1950s Were Smarter Than Kids Today
WANTED: Your Halloween Candy For The Troops (Our Troops)
Flashback to My First Concert Review (The Monkees) and Why I Chose Another Career
Ice Castles: The Worst $55 Mistake I’ve Ever Made as a Parent
What Does a Bad News Bear Say to an Overweight Panda?
Completing My Goofy Election Trilogy: ‘Dinosaur Primary’ Joins Prequels About Babies and Superheroes
Diner Replaces Plaque For Disgraced Politician John Edwards With… RuPaul
Why Can’t I Be President?
Thanks for Giving the Troops Cavities 🙂
Send a U.S. Soldier a Snickers!
Jeb Bush Thinks Supergirl is “Hot” (Maybe We Picked the Wrong Year for the Superhero Primary!)
Thanks a Zillion From the Garnick Justice League!
Dream On, Donald: Why Does Trump Defy the Wishes of New Hampshire’s Favorite Rock Star?
Why Do More Kids Choose Lacrosse Over Baseball?
Please Do Not French Kiss the Giraffe
Tourist Dress-Up Debate: Is it “racist” to try on a Japanese kimono?
New San Francisco Tourism Slogan: “What the F**K Are You Lookin’ At?”
2 Billy Joel Songs You Should NOT Dance To
How many motorists must die to get Xander Bogaerts in the All Star Game?
Daughters of the American Revolution loosen their admission requirements
Jeb Bush Meets Uncle Sam
Are we bad luck charms for the 2015 Boston Red Sox?
Boy Scout Bruce Jenner
If Clark Kent Were Created Today, He’d Be a Content Marketing Specialist
My Mortgage Company Wished Me a Happy Birthday!
Beauty, Brains & Burps (and Why the Secret to World Peace is Playing Footsies!)
EXODUS REBOOT: Are You Ready for an Ass-Kicking Moses?
Thanks again from the Garnick Justice League!
Tony Stark Lab Test: Iron Man Mask is Breathable, Water Resistant
Book Report: Summer of ’68 – Peacemaking Tigers & The Knitter Who Tackled RFK’s Killer
May The Creative Force Be With You
Dear Waze: Please don’t show me movie trailers while I am driving
Robin is Retiring… But the Garnick Justice League is Stronger Than Ever
Am I the slowest runner EVER?
I was poet Emily Dickinson in a past life
Dear John Henry: Last Place Teams Should Have First Place Service
Fan Mail Can Go Both Ways – A Note From My “Pen Pal” Dan Quisenberry
The Ugly Truth: Why I Really Won the T-Bones Restaurant Mascot Race
There’s No Place Like Home
My New Job: Official Mascot of the Paleo Diet?
I guess I’m a schmuck for only eating regular generic celery
Do You Believe in Good Luck?
Backstage with Guns N’ Roses is like… Hebrew School?
Creepiest Baby Ever
LinkedIn is Getting Kinda Creepy
There are “good” Boston Marathon bandits… and there are the sleazeballs
I was a Boston Marathon Bandit
Thank you for supporting One Run For Boston!
RORSCHACH TEST — What do you see in last night’s running pattern?
Will Big Bird Be Banned on Heartbreak Hill?
Running for the People Who Can’t Run Anymore
Hilton taunts TV junkies at the gym
Does locking yourself in a steel box boost writing productivity?
Joy of Broken Ribs Part 2 – Embracing my Peruvian Olympic Brother
Coming to a Dollar Store Near You: A Lego-like Stephen Drew
The Man Who Made Me a Baseball Fan
David Ortiz Ate Here: Confessions of a Grown-Up Red Sox Fanboy
Undeniable Evidence of My Undeniable Role in the 2013 Red Sox Turnaround
Special Thanks From The Garnick Justice League
What I was doing when the other kids played with Star Wars figures*
Support the Super Friends: Donate Comic Books for Children’s Hospital!
Obstacle Race Review: Stampeding With Twinkies
Visit the World’s Only Baseball Museum With a Petting Zoo
Holy Estrogen! Batman With Breasts?
What No One Dares to Tell You About Whitewater Rafting
Where Writers Can Always Turn For Validation
Meet the Most Selfish Artist in America
The Difference Between Boys and Girls: The Superheroine Perspective
The Garnick Justice League is now the “SuperFriends & SuperAcquaintances”
Blast From the Past: Our Documentary Stunt Hero Faces Celebrity Rejection
My Return to the Travel Channel
Hey Monsters University, “Revenge of the Nerds” Called — They Want Their Script Back!
Breaking the Fourth Wall: Heavy Metal and the Secret Bond of All Darrens
Does Your Bathroom Smell Like the Grand Canyon?
Opening Day Meditation: How I Learned to Stop Hating the New York Yankees
Beyond Crappy Bosses: Favorite Obscure Tidbits Mined from the New Terry Francona Book
Is Being a Red Sox Fan a Religious Experience?
Take a Bite Out of Hunger: Boston Urban Iditarod 2013
Daily Inspiration from Ben Affleck — The Oscars Power Salute
Baseball Records of Another Kind — When the Spaceman Was the Posterboy For Stereo Speakers
Fashion Flashback: Carlton Fisk Apparently Didn’t Want to Pose in This Denim Suit
Planet Fitness Will NEVER Judge Me
The Virtual Hassles of Virtually Begging for (Non-Virtual) Red Sox Tickets
Secretary of State: The Perfect Gig to Build Up Your Ego Wall
Who is America’s Worst PEZident?
Holy Presidential Beef Jerky, Batman! The Best Political Gifts of 2012… (And The Best One for Me)
Collecting Political Losers
My Day With Squiggy — Yes, That Squiggy!
Photo Finish: A Salute to the Garnick Justice League
Fame is Fleeting
Who Sucks Now? An Inside Peek at the Red Sox-Yankees T-Shirt Wars
New Career Goal: Become the November or December cover model for Men’s Fitness magazine
Kerry Rules, Yankees Suck?
Which costume would you rather wear with running shoes?
Revisiting the Funniest Presidential Candidate Ever (Digitally Remastered Version)
New Hampshire Bigfoots are Smarter Than Montana Bigfoots
Coming to a Birthday Party Near You — Obama vs. Romney
Fed-up Batman fan hopes to treat thousands of strangers to the movies in Colorado
How to impress a prospective employer during a job interview – Part One
Rock’em Sock’em Robots — Barack Obama vs. Mitt Romney Edition
Zit Poppers Candy: The Most Bizarre Brand of All Time?
The Leaning Tower of Tupperware… and Other Tourist Attractions Coming Soon?
I’m flattered, but sorry, I am NOT legendary actor Burt Ward!
The Joy of Broken Ribs: Why I can humbly claim to be the Tom Brady, Carlton Fisk and Kerri Strug of Experiential Journalism
Shoot for the Moon: President Obama scores a surprise lunar endorsement
Suck It, Super Tuesday!
A modeling career is born…
World’s Largest PEZ? Museum owner braces for bittersweet fight
Hedging My Bets: Newt Gingrich and Dino Flintstone
Newt in a Tree
Newt’s Auschwitz Photo-Op
Candy Wars: Toymaker hopes to behead PEZ
Retroactive Out-of-Business Restaurant Review: Jerusalem’s Upscale Roman Munchies
Weight Loss Innovation: Ignore Reality
Republicans in Tights: The Superhero Primary
Cheerleader Mitt Romney
Mitt Flintstone: Does the next Commander-in-Chief need to know about cartoons?
Star-Naming, Lunar Real Estate & the Best Novelty Holiday Gift of All
Wonder Woman for President
The Price of Morality
EXCLUSIVE: Mitt Romney does NOT have a favorite Guns N’ Roses song
Fruitman: The One Superhero I Wish They Brought Back to Life
Wish it were a Cubs fan in 1986…
Welcome to the Dollhouse, Senator
Did God knock the Red Sox out of the playoffs?
(Very Resistible) Gaddafi: “We won’t surrender; we are not women.”
Super Thank Yous from the Garnick Justice League!
Support the Garnick Justice League for Children’s Hospital
So I guess I’m not THE world’s biggest fan of the 1966 Batman…
Unexpected dangers lurking at an amusement park near you…
Keeping Fat People off the Roller Coaster
World Dental Flossing Record
NPR explores Tacky Tourist Photos
Love him or hate him, Obama still has the magic touch
Father’s Day Fame
Trading Card of the Week: Hafez Assad
From Facebook to Fisticuffs: Getting punched in the face for the right reasons
The United Countries of Baseball
“Don’t Knock It: Humor appreciation doesn’t evolve overnight”
Fallen Idol: Barry Bonds/Paula Abdul comedy act is a major league drag
Instead of graduation gowns, how about wearing Victoria’s Secret?
When the Red Sox took bribes…
Opening Day Hooky
Strange Things I Photograph (Part 4) — Trashing the Capitol
Pamela Lee pulls a Wile E. Coyote
Why is the Nicaraguan Air Force providing taxi service for the cast of Survivor?
My choice to succeed doomed Egyptian ruler Hosni Mubarak
Yet another sign that newspapers are in trouble…
The Two Most Unrealistic Things About “Gulliver’s Travels.”
Political Fashion Watch: Yet another reason to LOVE the Boston Herald
Senator Kerry: I’ll frame your article about my vanity and add it to my Ego Wall!
How to use a baseball bat as a persuasive political tool
Political Fish Fry: Mr. Limpet Runs for Congress
Coming Soon: “Dirty Dancing” anti-bullying workshops?
Save Your Waistline, Thank The Troops!
Google, I Yabba Dabba Love You!
How come I was never issued an emergency gas mask like this?
Strange Things I Photograph (Part 3) — The Bathroom Drain Miracle
Strange Things I Photograph (Part 2) — Soap Dispenser Disasters of the 21st Century
Strange Things I Photograph (Part 1) — Sidewalk Squid
Is this photogenic python getting a raw deal?
A tale of two ambassadorships…
HELP WANTED: Employees with Rapunzel hair and Mike Dukakis eyebrows
LEGO Gender Confusion: Hunter or Huntress?
Adventures in Litigation: Naked Cowgirls & Buttsketch Bragging Rights
Lady Gaga: “Classless Songbird?”
In defense of little green army men…
The absolute worst baseball-themed game of all time.
When did Weird Al Yankovic join the Israeli Navy?
I forgive you, Valerie Bertinelli (and congratulations!)
Did you REALLY think Wade Boggs was going to pay for your kid’s future college education?
The New Greenpeace: We Will Beat the Crap Out of You
Thirteen things NOT to say to unemployed friends
The Holocaust Skateboard Park
Going ga-ga over fake celebrities
I would have been a horrible Pharaoh
Prince of Egypt: Steven Spielberg’s Country Music Moses
The Joys of Plastic Lice: Passover toys celebrate Ancient Egypt’s regime change
Let My Taste Buds Go: I dare you to try Passover breakfast cereal!
Schlock Flashback: Origins of the Moses Duck
Schlock Flashback: Celebrities with webbed feet
“Wimpy” writer Jeff Kinney is the humblest best-selling author on earth
Meet America’s most (unintentionally) condescending bosses
Don’t Bite Your Friends
Microsoft: PowerPoint and Excel contain no secret Bible Code
Kellogg’s forgives Miss Michigan over cereal confusion
Crowns of Kitsch: How Miss America contestants brand their home states
My interview with Bigfoot
Most Daring Marketing Move of 2009: Felony Franks
Naked Breakfast Karaoke
More Deathcamp Dorks: Who stole the “Work Makes You Free” sign at Auschwitz?
I’m not dissing Chanukah, but that oil miracle was SO overrated!
What would the Mona Lisa look like with glasses and bangs?
Did the Pilgrims steal their ideas from the Flintstones?
“Little House” actress urges peace between Bonnetheads and Gableheads
RECYCLED FASHION: How to turn your supermarket into Project Runway
Dear New York Post: I Love You
Gitmo’s Boombox: Does an official “Music Torture” song list actually exist?
Pre-Swine Flu Nostalgia: Feeling sentimental about good old-fashioned germ-o-phobia
Tale of Two Trophies: Obama’s Nobel & My Youth Basketball Award
Obi Wan Kenobi could hit a baseball blindfolded…
Tanks for the Memories: Mike Dukakis and the Perils of Playing Dress-Up
Bonnet Heads Fight Back: Anne vs. Laura debate heats up the Prairie!
Time to Draw the Donuts: Simpsons prop artist once dreamed of creating classical oil paintings
Who’s Cooler: “Anne from Green Gables” or Laura Ingalls from “Little House on the Prairie?”
Gourmet Surprise! Chef Julia Child loved McDonalds, Burger King and was in the CIA
Maybe eBay should mediate U.S.-North Korea talks (or why I hate Melissa from New York’s guts)
Capture That Auschwitz Moment
The Original Butt Sketch: Every tush is beautiful in its own way
Booty Call: Butt Sketch artists shake up corporate trade shows
Wouldn’t it be great if kids could watch their grandparents’ life stories on TV?
Bored with the slot machines? – Try creepy casino corpses!
Phishing for Jewish Heritage
Admit it, you secretly wish you were playing shuffleboard (and smelled like) New Kids on the Block
Elephants to Disney: Can you spare a frickin’ Snapple?
Enough is Enough: Time to shed those pirate-themed pajamas
Egyptians to Israel: 30 years of peace is OVERRATED
Middle East Surprise: “Austin Powers” Fembot Fashions Thrive in Syria
The Manny Ramirez Salary Comparison Calculator: How poor of a schmuck are you?
Yanking Yasser: Evicting wax terrorists is a slippery museum slope
Yasser Arafat deserves wax museum spot as much as the Penguin or the Riddler
Reverend Al a not-so-Sharp choice for SNL host
Saddam Yard Sale: Hussein secretary stole more than paper clips
Exercise caution before badmouthing a ‘rotten’ neighbor
Enough already: Leave Miss South Carolina alone!
Revenge of the Wimp: Jeff Kinney dares to revisit middle school demons
Teen ice cream scoopers looking up to journalists: Am I on Candid Camera or Punk’d?
Happy 200th Birthday, Abraham Lincoln!
“SUPER SELL-OUT: Would the real ‘Man of Steel’ sign so many licensing deals?
Hurricane Katrina aftermath includes urban myths, tacky souvenirs
Political Flashback: 10 reasons to put Warren Beatty in the White House
Dysfunctional Metallica’s ‘Monster’ makes ‘Spinal Tap’ seem real
Madonna’s Reinvention: “Fiddler on the Roof” in lingerie?
“Crashing to earth in Vanuatu’s Air Force One (Part 2)
Confessions of an international turkey jerky smuggler (Vanuatu adventure 1 of 2)
Are the New York Yankees powerful enough to squash (or buyout) the First Amendment?
Totally Devoted: Happy 29th Birthday to Backstreet Boy heartthrob Nick Carter
How is the Mideast cease-fire like a Manny Ramirez contract?
Squeezing Saddam Hussein’s noose into lemonade
Kentucky toy surgeon rescues G.I. Joes on their deathbeds
Pink Aisle Refugees – Guys who shop for (and train) Barbie commandos
Terrorist Geek Exposed: Action figure hostage hoax fizzles in Iraq
MLK would have shrugged at segregated CBS ‘Survivor’ stunt
Miss America contestants now slam home states for cheap laughs
Coming to a gumball machine near you — Classism!
Leave Boy George alone: Why do you really want to trash him?
Corpse Action Figures: Mad scientists coming to a museum near you
Costa Rican Sloth Adventure: Parking Lot Security in Paradise
UNSUNG HERO: Grandpa Bob delivered wisdom, heart, the Herald
WALKING IN ALLIGATOR SHOES: Being a minor league baseball mascot is not as easy as it looks
24-Hour Diary of a Pregnant Guy — (Postscript with competing bellies)
24-Hour Diary of a Pregnant Guy — (Part 3 of 3)
24-Hour Diary of a Pregnant Guy — (Part 2 of 3)
24-Hour Diary of a Pregnant Guy — (Part 1 of 3)
Classy thank you notes and ungrateful Gitmo ingrates
Cuddling with Obama won’t score you Inauguration tix
Happy Anniversary to Me!
Baseball Hall of Fame’s loss is the Museum of Bad Art’s gain
The best fish pedicure cartoon I’ve ever seen — EVER
Claudia Williams Artwork Poll — Where should I donate this priceless oil painting?
Slaughtered by the Splendid Splinter: Why did Ted Williams’ hunting trophies go so cheap?
Fish Pedicures Now BANNED in NH
Are fish pedicures cruel to the fish?
Welcome to the S.N.O.B. Pride Movement!
What Me Worry? Barack Obama finds MADdening common ground with George W. Bush
Help me solve a cartoon and political mystery: Who was Magilla Gorilla’s 1964 running mate?
Eddie and Teddy: What does Baltimore Orioles legend Murray have in common with President Roosevelt?
Barney Rubble and Fred Flintstone body meld with John McCain at the Democratic National Convention
Political Button of the Day: Obama Prays for Victory
Political Button of the Day: Mets farmhand Wilbur Huckle and the Metropolitan Party
Political Button of the Day: The Estonian role in Nixon’s rise to power
Political Button of the Day: How “Reagan Hood” Spreads the Wealth
Political Button of the Day: Dick Gregory Plays the Retro Race Card
“Hell Drivers” crashes the Granite State!
No stomach for drinking games? Try presidential debate BINGO!
An open letter to John McCain: Send Jennifer Garner to Pakistan!
Two rules missing from the Palin-Biden vice presidential drinking game
Why vintage Paul Newman only improved with age (Postscript)
The Hezbollah Children’s Museum — A Cross-Cultural Study
What is proper journalistic etiquette for friendly castration banter?
Why vintage Paul Newman only improves with age
Pink Ribbon Ka-Boom: Getting punched in the face & blowing stuff up for breast cancer research!
Borat – no, make that Bruno – takes on the Middle East
Election 2008: How many Jewish best friends do you have?
Most Demented Toy of the Year ——— The Indiana Jones Electronic Whip (or why I miss toy guns)
Maine’s Undiscovered Carhenge & the Great American Thrill Show
Mixing baseball cards and cleavage
Do Republican women read fitness magazines?
Scott Baio’s photoshop pregnancy & Oprah’s miracle
What would Einstein put on his bagel…
Lowering the voting age … to infants?
Baby Dahlia — The Drooling Political Pundit?
Oh yeah, I have a son, too!
Ari’s First NH Primary
Bill Richardson’s Relief Pitching